I was filled with joy

I had believed that life was a miserable thing to endure… I suddenly
believed that life was an exciting adventure. I had believed that my life
was headed nowhere… I suddenly believed that God had a plan for me. I had
believed that I was a monkey evolved trying to survive… I suddenly
believed that God planned me. I had believed that I was unwanted and
unworthy on this earth… I suddenly believed that I was chosen for heaven.

The other day, I had written about being very depressed as a teenager. I had
imagined I would be cutting or doing something else self harming, because I
had a lot of reasons to believe that I was worthless, just another
spontaneous and unwanted generation. That is the result of the materialist
atheist worldview, it is wholly lacking in meaning and love.

But I
was filled with joy, a joy that was so awesome, it made me sick and hurt,
when I went to adoration for the first time at seventeen. It was like I had peace for the first time, and
that broke my heart which I had hardened over the years of believing that
God does not act in time and history. God broke my heart when I went to
adoration, because he shattered my long held belief that God was did not
care about us on earth, and that God did not care about me. The Eucharist
was proof that God was acting in history, acting in my life, and reaching
out to me.

I hope adoration breaks your heart, because YOU DESERVE TO
KNOW HOW MUCH GOD LOVES YOU.

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